There's not much more to say than what's in the song below... I didn't write it, nor will I accept credit for it...
**NOTE: Though this may seem a bit graphic, it's what I'm feeling at the moment, but I honestly don't plan to do what its context contains, though I can't say I really don't mean it...**

DESTROY By: http://www.geocities.com/jbored105/angry.html

I cannot take no more of these sleepless nights
I've lost anything ever resembling my will to fight
I'm stuck in this darkness, searching for a beacon of light
I'm spinning in a black hole, another day, no end in sight

Sometimes I want to destroy all of me
I guess that makes me self destructive
There's something in my head, it's keeps calling me
I have the will to succeed, but what more can I give?

Man, nothing out there can give me peace anymore
It used to be the beer, but, nah, not no more
I used to want fame and money, but now I'm down to one wish
Just to find something or someone out there to give me bliss

I just want to live my life in a state of pure fantasy
I want it all, all the shit that can make me happy
But no, I gotta drown helpless in this sea of sorrow
Does anyone have a nice, big bank account I can borrow?

But not all the money in the world can cure this pain
I walk around 24/7 with a neverending migraine
Imagine 17 rusty nails scraping up against your brain
And feeling your life spin out of control down the drain

Sometimes I want to fuckin destroy it all
Scream I don't give a fuck, go on a killing spree
I'm on the edge of the world, getting ready to fall
And if I'm gonna lose, I'm taking you all with me

I'm not a violent person, but this shit is causing me
To hide inside myself, in my deepest realms of insanity
Please don't force me, I don't want to hurt anybody
But fuck with me and you'll end up face down in a ditch, bloody
But now that I think of it, the only person I want to kill is Steve
Beckett, you son of a bitch, you'll get yours one day
I'll throw you off a bridge, with the little fishies you'll lay
But no matter how it's done, I'll fuckin kill you, you'll pay

My thoughts scream to fuckin destroy all that I am
And they scare me, I lack all of my self control
I might just blow my brains out, like fuckin kablam!
I'm already in my grave, can somebody dig me out of this hole?

posted by Myzery at Wednesday, December 19, 2001

It's 8:10 PM... and well, yeah... it's 8:10 PM. Erm.. I'm kind of bored, not much has happend today. School was alright, I guess. There's always the stupid people that make me what to destroy society in the near future, but like I said, nothing new. Jordan and I kinda had a small fight... I'm a little upset now... I don't want to lose him, I never do. I keep hearing from my mother that this won't last forever, but can't she let me dream? To be with Jordan for the rest of my life... ~*she smiles weakly, a twinkle of tears settling at the base of her large brown eyes...*~ ...that's my Utopia. Grr... I gotta stop this, I'm really gonna cry... AH! Okay, okay, I'm better... I guess I'll let y'all go... sorry for the short post. I'll see y'all tomorrow!

Song of the Day:

My Theme Song- "Falling for the First Time" -Barenaked Ladies

I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser
I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out
I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby
I'm so fly, that's probably why it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

I'm so green, it's really amazing
I'm so clean, too bad I can't get all this dirt off of me
I'm so sane, it's driving me crazy
It's so strange, I can't believe it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost.
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind
And it feels just like I'm falling for the first time

I'm so chill, no wonder it's freezing
I'm so still, I just can't keep my fingers out of anything
I'm so thrilled to finally be failing
I'm so done, turn me over cause it
Feels just like I'm falling for the first time

Anything plain can be lovely, anything loved can be lost
Maybe I lost my direction, what if our love is the cost?
Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost.
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind.



posted by Myzery at Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Well... I just recieved my Blog! Spot. It's 5:38 AM, and well, I just woke up! Okay, so I'm lying... I've been up for half an hour... sorry! Hmm... there isn't much I can put in here right now... but I promise they'll be something interesting after school. Let's see... I'm a fifteen year old female from the state of New Jersey. I attend school like any normal teenager, and I must say, it really isn't that bad. I mean, sure, it's school, but what's a few years compared to a whole lifetime? And plus, you know, I have a few of the best friends anyone would ever meet from there. And our marching band... ~*nods with mock approval...*~ ...one of the best -I've- ever seen! We have the most fun out of any sports team. And we're not your average nerd marching band... in fact, I think we only have a few of them on the unit. Hehe, I'm a nerd.... but in a good way. Just ask y boyfriend, Jordan.... he's the greatest guy in the world. We're so similar, I don't think I'll ever be able to get bored with him... he's just so understanding, so completely awesome... he was my first kiss, ya know? And my first everything else... including my first true love.. ahhh... now I'm gonna cry... I miss him lots... ~*pouts, cuddling the pillow in her lap...*~ I-I... ~*sniffles...*~ I only got to see him yesterday, and th-e, day before that... ~*starts balling now, her arms strangling the lifeless lump of feathers...*~

ANYWAY!!! Hehe. I'll save you the torture and just go now, well, until I get home from school, that is. I'll see y'all later... don't miss me too much, now!

Hey! Look who's home! Well, 5:09 PM and I'm still kickin'. School was great, the whole BSQ interview is really getting the Coffee Talk members psyched. Nothing too big happend... Mr. Fitz was in an awesome, unGrinch-like mood. His door won for the Christmas decorating thing... stupid theme.... grrr.... hmm... that's about it. Besides, I'm sick of typing this already! Umm... I may post tomorrow morning, but if not, I'll do so after school. Love y'all!

Song of the Day:

HELLBOUND

[Announcer]
Welcome back, to the stage of history

[Eminem]
Yo.. Slim Shady!
Yo.. I'll fuckin.. I'll..
I'll puke, eat it, and freak you (eww)
Battle? I'm too weeded to speak to
The only key that I see to defeat you
would be for me to remove these two Adidas and beat you
and force feed you 'em both, and on each feet is a cleat shoe
I'll lift you off your feet so fast with a roundhouse
you'll think I pulled the fuckin ground out from underneath you
(Bitch!) I ain't no fuckin G, I'm a cannibal
I ain't tryin to shoot you,
I'm tryin to chop you into pieces and eat you
Wrap you in rope and plastic, stab you with broken glass
and have you with open gashes strapped to a soakin mattress
Coke and acid, black magic, cloaks and daggers (ahhh!)
Fuck the planet, until it spins on a broken axis
I'm so bananas I'm showin up to your open casket
to fill it full of explosive gasses
and close it back with a lit match in it
while I sit back and just hope it catches
Blow you to fragments
Laugh, roll you and smoke the ashes

Chorus: J-Black (repeat 2X)

I see the light at the end
But every time I take a step, it gets dim
Tell me is this hell we're livin in?
If so, heaven's got to be better
But if we're hellbound, whatever, let's go down

[J-Black]
Am I the worst? Because I, never go to church (never)
I run a red light then sideswipe a hearse
I'ma drink 'til my liver rot, see the doc
Leave the E.R., then hit a bar for a liquor shot, 'til the liver spot
One day we all gon' die
But when I die, I'ma be so high
that I'ma get up and walk, leavin the concrete bare
with the chalk outline still there
I smoke 'til I choke and I sex a lot
I got a cross on my chain but it's just a rock
Now if I pray everynight (night)
Do I still have to hold my trey very tight?
You feel me God? I done did so much shit while on Earth
I smoke, I drink, I curse, and to make matters worse
I bust my gun first, and then I chat with your corpse
Since way back, I was one to never like back-talk
See me at the pearly gates in line, wearin a Nordface
Nickle nine at my waist, God done lost faith
Angels greet me but I don't reply back
Just show me to my quarters, and oh yeah, where's Thai at?

Chorus 1/2

[Announcer]
Maxie was seriously wounded but the soul still burns
Final battle, fight!

[Masta Ace]
Analyze the strength of my game, like Lee Corso
Call me a lost soul, with a vest on my torso
And of course, yo, y'all know I'm no stranger to danger
Like Christ in a manger, feel a whole range of my anger
I breathe down shit so hard you can see sound
And beat down these rap clowns in like three rounds
My pen 'bout as sharp as a dagger, walk with a swagger
Tie your wife to the back of a black Jag and I drag her
Ten blocks, untie the bitch and I still bag her
Give her a smack in the ass and a six pack of lager
My shit go as deep and as dark as a train tunnel
My flows spill like usin the wrong end of a funnel
Everyday I grow more older, and more colder
Fly you to Colorado, roll you over with a Boulder
I know you want to retaliate but you won't dare
Cause you fuckin with some niggaz like this who just don't care

Chorus

[J-Black]
But every time I take a step, it gets dim..
Tell me is this hell we're livin in?

[Announcer]
Time's up!
You lose!


posted by Myzery at Monday, December 17, 2001